This is it. Ah, the grand finale. It's not the end though... it's only just begun. So please, indulge in this complete stranger's thoughts until the last question (not that these thoughts will make any difference in your life, 'cause they won't):
61. Do I hold grudges?
For a particular period, say a few years at most and a few minutes at the very least, then I tend to forget I held it in the first place. Time blurs painful memories.62. Do I read enough?
I read a lot but I feel like I still haven't read enough.63. Do I listen to my heart?
I listen to... the voices inside my head? Haha. I listen to my mind's heart. It's chicken and egg. Whichever comes first, you know for a fact that they're both the same. In case you haven't noticed, your hypothalamus has a split personality. It's your inner Jekyll and Hyde, as I mentioned several questions ago.
Let's see. The point of my human journey is not just to "donate enough." Donating (or heartfelt giving or philanthropy - as other euphemisms go) may expose those that have been hardened by poverty to the kinder side of humanity. To others, though, the act will only create a culture of dependency. It will not teach the less fortunate how to stand on their own feet. Neither will it empower them to rise above their station. Rather than donate enough, we should all help them help themselves. Women empowerment, shrieks the feminist.
I used to like this quote once but now that it's been mentioned over and over by various media, "teaching people how to fish" kinda leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Nevertheless, that's exactly what I'm trying to say here. Teaching self-help is far more important (and effective) than donating enough, which to me is way beneath the justice the less fortunate deserve. Give these people something they can carry with them for the rest of their lives, something which succeeding generations can emulate, and not just some analgesic. Donations may temporarily dull the pangs of hunger but they will never stop (nor reduce) the incidence of chronic hunger that a billion people around the world suffer from.65. Do I pray only when I want something?
How do you define "prayer"? If talking to God randomly at random occasions constitutes a prayer, then I pray even when I want nothing. I tell Him just about anything. No holds bar. Ranting to Him is my kind of prayer. Of course, I make petty requests sometimes. Though prayers like "Lord, please give this to me" or "Lord, make me rich" are not included in what I call as "pleas for divine intervention." Even God must feel exhausted having to deal with my pride. It's like I don't want to rely on Him all the time or that I try too hard to strike a balance between relying on Him and not bombarding Him with all my problems. Heaven knows how many people's problems He has to listen to everyday.66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
Not constantly but occasionally. Especially when things seem to spiral downward, the past is a very welcome respite. When you attempt to prove something, the past is an endearing source of motivation. Dwell on the past if you have a good reason to but not to the extent that you forget what you must do at present (and thereby neglect your future entirely).
It depends. Sometimes, in an attempt to console the negative subject, I try to let him pour his feelings out 'til words run dry. There are times I ignore negativity and instead try to respond with a similarly negative aura just to see who between the two of us is way more frightening. Haha. Ignoring has its rewards too but then, empathetic as I am, human negativity always affects me (positively or negatively depending on various endogenous, exogenous and intervening factors). If I don't make sense, just forget what I said.68. Do I forgive myself?
Well, since I haven't flunked a major exam yet (except perhaps part of my Comprehensive Exams and God forbid that I ever flunk in any exam I might have in the near future), I haven't tried cursing myself to smithereens. Yes, I forgive myself for giving in to my monstrous temper and being gullible, emo and depressed one too many times. It's difficult sometimes but I do forgive myself for making mistakes (not just once but twice, thrice, over and over again) and trusting the wrong people.
When I can't take it anymore, I search for an isolated place and scream my lungs out or, when screaming seems inadequate, unsuccessfully attempt to pull out my hair. After my vocal chords are strained and my scalp hurts like hell, forgiveness eventually seeps in.69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
Nope. I think it's the other way around. Sometimes when people are unusually attentive to me or when they suddenly treat me kindly, an action at odds with previous behavior, I start thinking: "What is it this time?" or "Now what?" Well that's only applicable to people I don't trust wholeheartedly, but I rarely suspect my friends of having hidden motives unless proven otherwise.
When I help people, it's because I'm sincerely under the impression that he or she needs my assistance or because looking at work done poorly exasperates me (I usually just keep my mouth shut to spare the person's ego and when there's opportunity, I try to broach the subject gently). I also can't stand it when people are being bullied. It always makes me mad whenever I see someone playing the martyr and not speaking up for himself. So even when there's nothing in it for me, on behalf of the oppressed, I'm always ready to scold bullies and men who completely disregard Chivalry. Once, I nearly burst out inside a jeepney when a middle-age woman was unable to seat herself properly (her butt only consumed a quarter of the space and she kept on wriggling her way in to no avail). The men surrounding us clearly saw it yet still they shamelessly ignored her plight. They were even sitting with their legs wide apart! It took me some time to control the anger welling up in my chest. Before getting off the jeep, I glared at the morons beside me, told them to stop sitting sideways, and then gestured to the woman to take my space as I was just about to get off. I also deliberately muttered about the thoughtlessness of men these days in a voice loud enough for every passenger to hear. Farewell, Chivalry! You are good as dead. There's no reviving you.
Tolerance and propagation of injustices always irritate me. I vow to help anyone who is a victim of injustice - reward or no reward. *pats own head* (Calm down, self.) It gives me peace whenever I make bullies look like meek dogs or when I'm able to deflate bloated egos. Sadly, even as the woman thanked me, my anger didn't die down. How many more women will fall prey to and endure men's unchivalrous deeds? Damn it. I need a sword.
I'm not a hardline feminist, mind you. I'm merely for leveling the playing field - not the total domination of females. Rest assured, I feel for all victims of maltreatment and not just women. My jeepney experience, however, is a very good example of extreme male apathy (there were only three females at that time, myself included), which really makes one wonder where in this era are decent men hiding.70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
Of course. If I wasn't, I'd have been moping around 'til now. But I'm not. Would I even dare yap about helping other people if I thought I had it worse than them? I am aware that, in whatever regard or circumstance, "always, there will be lesser and greater persons than yourself" (read Desiderata for more quotable quotes).71. Do I smile more than I frown?
I think it's just about the same. I can't keep count. I smile a lot and I frown a lot because there are so many things that tickle my funny bone and fill me with hope just as much as there are events, circumstances and ideas that make you lose appetite for this world and most of the people inhabiting it. Should I keep count of all my smiles and frowns to give you a more accurate answer? I can always open a blank excel sheet and start tallying. (:72. Do I surround myself with good people?
Of course. It's not because I choose people, but because only generally good people click with me (religion-regardless). There are a few rotten apples mixed in the basket though, and no matter how much I try to keep them from rotting, if they're already rotten to the core, no amount of holy water can exorcise the serpent that's already infested their system. No one's ever been born bad but, truth's truth, others have corrupted themselves beyond repair. No matter how deep your friendship is, it can never completely redeem them.73. Do I take time out for myself?
Certainly, I do. I always talk to myself, you know. There's a world inside my head that only I can comprehend. This world appeals only to me. And every time the real world - along with the people in it - disappoints me, the world inside my head becomes my refuge.
How do I take a breather? I read books, Japanese comics (mangas) and random print and online articles; I treat myself to a heavy meal (Chowking Lauriat plus tofu and halo-halo, one whole pizza or a big platter of Carbonara for my beloved stomach); I like walking for miles all by myself, entertaining thoughts of any kind; I sing to myself even if I'm like tone-deaf; I watch movies and animes and make sure I always end up crying (when I'm in a sad mood) or laughing (when I'm in a happy mood); I argue with the other 'me' like schizophrenics always do. When I feel like murdering another person, I rehearse in my mind all the awful things I might say to him before I mentally throw a grenade at his face. And then I hit my head, ask for forgiveness and feel better afterwards.74. Do I ask enough questions?
Try me. Haha. Didn't I endure 75 questions, answering them as comprehensively as I could for several months? I have a lot more to ask but I do think it's important to first focus your energies on pending questions. By leaving them unanswered, life itself may turn into one big question mark. And who will answer you if not you?
75. What other questions do I have?
Are we finished yet? If I ask other questions now, am I required to answer them too? Should I just make a list or would you be fine with me answering this question with a question? Doesn't this sound idiotic? When does stupidity end? Why are people complicated? Isn't it so wonderful to be alive no matter how painful it is? Are my questions making sense? When should I stop asking? haha. Okay, enough. This is tiring. Seriously. :/
That's about it. I'm sorry that this introspection finale isn't as grand as I made it seem but I believe I've answered enough questions for today. I'm wracking my brain for new ideas. What to rant about next? Oh, I think I've just the right thing in mind. All is well! All izz well! (Watch The Three Idiots to hear more of this). (:
ALL IZZ WELL!
A treat to myself for answering all 75 questions. All izzzz well!
Bonus Track: ZOOBI DOOBI
Ah, I love Bollywood dancing - makes you all jumpy, happy and exotic. :p
