So I'm a bit early today. Please thank Liven Alkaline Coffee for this unusual energy. Lest I bore you to death by enumerating its ingredients, let us commence questions 51-60 of this soliloquy:
51. What was the easiest time in my life?
I don't know. When I was a fetus? Haha. The time before I gained consciousness was by far the easiest time in my life. The moment I realized I was a human being who, like everyone else, had a limited time on earth, I never had it easy. When I was around 5 years old, I suddenly became aware of my own mortality and the temporariness of everything - including the presence of my parents. I cried and wailed myself to sleep. The thought just came out of nowhere in the middle of the night. Now whenever visions of death and dying plague me, I furiously shake my head and knock on my temples so as to cleanse myself of such morbidity. Yes, let all the random people stare at me in shock for all I care.:P
52. Am I selfish?
I can be - that much is true. There are times when I wish I didn't have a self to begin with so I won't have to worry where I'm going or who I'm going to be with and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life.
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
I did a lot of crazy things (but not crazy enough to ruin my entire life, I guess).
When I was only 8 years old, technically in second grade, my friends decided to deliver love letters to their respective upperclassmen crushes. As I was totally clueless about "crushing" or having a sort of jittery feeling for a member of the opposite sex, I unwittingly - and without malice - joined the bandwagon. There was this half-Japanese girl, the oldest of us all, who graciously furnished me with the materials necessary to produce written confessions. I did not know anyone from the fourth grade. The act of sending a mushy note to a virtual unknown also confused me, but I was so caught up in the novelty of the activity that I ended up doing what the other girls were doing.
Maricris, the half-Jap girl, already set her sights on a certain Richard, a known crush among elementary school girls (welcome to CIC circa 1990s). Janelle wanted a so-called Oliver. Or did she and Maricris both send a card to Richard? Eydie was infatuated with a boy named Danny - or was that Daniel? I don't exactly remember his name but I do know he's our schoolmate's brother. Seeing my ignorance, the motherly Mariciris suggested that I give my card to Edgardo - whoever he was. He was completely alien to me until the 1998 sinking of the ship M/V Princess of the Orient where his father, a renowned councilor of Cebu City, was one of the survivors. Curious as to how his family handled the news, young Edgardo was interviewed by the local media every so often, thus exposing his real identity to this clueless little girl. I had neither regard nor a glimmer of affection for him. Still, I wrote my letter as if I paid tribute to the handsome Adonis himself (ugh, even I couldn't believe myself). I also joined in the girly giggling and whispering as if those were truly enjoyable pastimes. In actuality I was amused by the whole thing though I barely understood half of it. And as a result of my half-baked efforts to attain some degree of girliness, a kind of reverse osmosis occurred when I hit puberty: I cursed my biological structure and function and refused to hear the words "girl," "lady" and "woman."
That probably was the craziest thing I did. They read our cards after we personally delivered them. The boys were flattered by the attention and they strutted around the campus like roosters. Their female classmates were shrieking with excitement. The councilor's son, whose head was already bigger than normal, eventually grew up to be such an arrogant bastard (sorry for that). Now that I think of it, my childhood girlfriends and I may have one way or another contributed to the bloating of his ego. Pretending to go gaga over someone you never even know just for the heck of it - that was so preposterous of me. I never had a real crush until later on when I met our neighbor Ian. I ended up liking him for 7 more years but High School, the dragging on of time, his alleged drug addiction and the years of never seeing each other all but blurred my memory of him.
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
I'd like to spend a night sleeping on a gondola, adrift somewhere in Venice. Or maybe have my wedding night (provided I do marry, which is possibly impossible at the moment) several feet below the ground (an underground hotel somewhere in Switzerland caters to the fancies of claustrophiliacs). I can also try rappelling from the peak of Burj Khalifa like Tom Cruise did in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Can I zipline from the Philippines to all of East Asia to all of Europe using nothing but telephone and/or electrical wires? Put 20 million bucks on the line then I'll go for it.
I want to join a Cosplay event for once in my life. Maybe I'd don a lady ninja slash elven costume with lots and lots of dark make-up, a pair of moth-like wings, knife-like nails painted all in black, liver-colored lipstick, bloody contacts and strappy sandals decorated with protruding spikes. Imagine the horror I would bring. I also want to wear a red kimono and walk around the streets of Kyoto as if I too were a modern day geisha or a reincarnation of some rounin's wife. How does that sound? Haha.
55. Do I procrastinate?
Always. I admit it. Hands down, I'm a perennial procrastinator. The more stressed I am, the more I procrastinate. I often down huge gulps of coffee (alkaline is the best) just to overcome the tired feeling and momentarily indulge in the false sense of energy caffeine often provides. I usually do beat the deadline when sufficient energy is supplied. [You can skip this part and proceed to the next question.] It's just... why does my thesis have to bear the brunt of the worst bout of procrastination that ever happened to me? Why?!
56. What is my greatest regret?
Attending an elite High School, I guess. I really would have liked a simple academic life during my formative years. It's not a serious regret though. Just a flippant what-if. Apart from that, no regrets whatsoever. Everything happens for a reason, ain't it?
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
Books. Tons and tons of them. A lot of novels from romance, mystery and general fiction genres to text books, law books, self-help books and passages and stories from the Bible.
Pictures. So many memories captured. I love looking at them over and over again either to gain perspective on the future I know nothing about or to relive the glorious past and be inspired thereafter.
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
My Creator - I'm a sinner, I know, but a lot of my decisions and thoughts are always relayed to Him, if not made with His prior consent. My parents - you are much loved by your stubborn and occasionally difficult-to-understand daughter. Friends - they know who they are and the fun times we share whenever we're together. Teachers - thank you for imbibing in me this passion for learning (and arguing). Authors - oh, the things you did to my imagination. Street children, peddlers and a bunch of random insane people - you guys have no idea how much I'd like to help you become more than what you are.
59. Do I stand up for myself?
I DO. And that's in all caps. I often get in trouble because of it. Haha.
60. Have I settled for mediocrity?
Not really. Perhaps when you're biding your time or, better yet, hatching an amazing plan, you just have to settle for mediocrity for the time being until you're completely ready to take off. Mediocrity shouldn't be seen so negatively since it's your best resort during times of uncertainty. But of course, you should not attach yourself to it forever or you'll end up absolutely nowhere.
For a better sense of self, use mediocrity as a front or a base while you attempt to plot your next move and win this tricky game called life. Mediocrity also keeps green-eyed monsters at bay, allowing you to execute your plans without interruptions. Just when they think you're at your lowest... boom!
"Meet your new boss." *eyes widen*
"Oh, my! Wasn't he your gardener???" *someone faints* Hahaha.
All right. We're on a roll. When I'm in the best of moods, nothing and no one can stop my fingers from typing and my mind from spitting one thought after another. 15 more questions to go and we're done. That should have been a cause for celebration (I may have written an entire book already) but now I'm starting to miss this introspection thing. :( Maybe I'll write short stories next?
