Random Rants and Implications

So I have decided to postpone the third part of introspection. Recently, I have taken refuge in my own thoughts (minus the guide questions from lyved.com), wondering why the real world is getting to my nerves when I usually just ignore it. Why is it so difficult to stretch an allotted patience and exert effort so that people will understand you? Wait. Who should be understood first? Who should make the first move to understand the other? This confuses me. I have no way of knowing. Baring my soul whole in order to gain sympathy and understanding is way beneath me. There's no need to go to such lengths if you've come across the word "respect" and if you learn how to be less passive (frankly speaking, you are way too passive at your age).

I have often widened my horizons to accommodate the respective backgrounds of other people. The problem is, even if I do understand their sentiments or why they were angry, sad, rebellious, cheating, obnoxious or hard to deal with in the first place, it's not like I can always do something about what I already understood. I am not one to program my personality just to get along with others. Pretending is not in my vocabulary. I can be decent, diplomatic, businesslike and straightforward, but if you respond with a vague or flippant attitude and thereby ruin the whole "implied" system, then here's what you should do: save your blame for someone who really needs it. Whatever advice I might have accidentally given, it's not a blueprint to pattern your life after.

Being in the same place far too long makes you more and more wary - and weary - of your surroundings. How will you learn to live in the real world when you haven't even seen half of it? I don't know what everyone else thinks but this is my opinion. Unlike others, I didn't have a worldly upbringing so I basically grew up at odds with reality. It was impossible to be worldly when my parents could barely afford to put us in school back then and almost every person I saw or met made me wish I hadn't been born in the first place. I cannot help but adore Elizabeth Bennet, the heroine of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, whose cynical words of wisdom struck me rather deeply:

The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense. (Ch.24)

There. I have often played this line over and over in my head whenever I see people live life as if it's merely an obligation. It's sickening to see them complain and not do anything about it. For how long will your complaints last? I once was like that myself but it's impossible to tread on the same senseless path again. Whenever I'm on the verge of doing something impulsive, something always holds me back. I feel like if I succumb to displeasure and disappointment, I'll end up losing to this all too common world. I don't want to lose to the fake realities this world is embracing. I don't want to lose to its shallowness. There must be something out there - a clearer reason for all our struggles and for our inevitable and - God forbid - lonely endings. I want to win and see the world's hidden depths. I want to win and witness salvation bestowed on the human race. I want to be part of the whole while assuming both detachment and attachment. I want to know: is it possible to have super powers? Message me as soon as aliens send you the answers via interspacial telepathy.

Let this world drown me. And I hope, in drowning, I can change something. No matter how small, no matter how seemingly insignificant. If every little change a person makes ultimately culminates to the creation of a bigger change, it doesn't matter if my contribution is as small as a mustard seed.

I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact amount they need. So I figured if the entire world was one big machine... I couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. ~ Hugo Cabret

Hence, save your blame. You have a brain; you have hands capable of drawing out color, shapes and words; you have a mouth. Put them to better use. I know your role in this present society is just as great as any living, breathing terrestrial being. Relax. Snap out of it. Rant if you must. Just make sure that you will do something about it someday. It's a sad fate to just rant for the rest of your life. There's a limit to how much you can rant and to how much you can tolerate detours, moreso implications. Have a break, have a Kit Kat.