You are very much welcome to hurl stones at me. I am such a liar. I have no word of honor. Guilty am I of this crime. Four entries ago, I said I'd resume 41-50 of this so-called introspection after "a few days' break." My break, however, extended to two months! Imagine. Such a talent for procrastination is worthy of a gold medal. Hurry and crown me procrastinator of the century! :D
I'm done justifying myself. Without further adieu, let me start this long delayed tirade:
41. What am I most proud of?
My ability to write and think of things out of nowhere.
42. Do I care what others think about me?
I try not to. If i care for particular people though, then I do mind what they think about me. As for total strangers, acquaintances and relatives from far-flung areas, it doesn't matter if they think I'm the most monstrous creature on earth with horns for a soul or fangs for teeth.
43. What are my talents?
Writing. Reading (if you deem that a talent)? Maybe empathy. Recently though, I was proved wrong. The stronger my feelings are for a specific individual, the less I am able to empathize as far as emotions are concerned. Anything to do with art, I'm cool with it. I have a knack for out-of-this world ideas. My imagination is also beyond normal. And if that's not talent, I don't know what is!
44. Do I utilize those talents?
Yes. Hopefully I can utilize them more in the near future. How soon is... now?
45. What makes me happy?
Many things make me happy. I have many reasons to be happy. I'm easily pleased by the simplest of things - those often overlooked by other people or shrugged off as dull, ordinary or unexciting. I'm happy seeing children and babies preoccupied in whatever activity. Seeing people with indomitable faith lifts my spirit up and encourages me to equally deepen mine. I'm happy when someone greets me "good morning" or "hello" (without malice, that is). Receiving messages from old friends and old flames (or simply old friends who attempt to rekindle some dubious relationship) makes me shiver with joy from head to toe. I usually enjoy family gatherings like a freak who just got out of her leash. My happiness only ends whenever someone (pun intended), if not something, happens.
46. What makes me sad?
Let me enumerate:
- Street children loitering about.
- Mentally challenged people loitering about.
- Families breaking up and putting down, brutally competing with or murdering one other (murky waters diluted the thick blood, I suppose?).
- Beggars - tons and tons of them- whose only goal in life is to go hungry.
- People whose lives are like a ticking time bomb.
- Dying without fulfilling any of your dreams (this always triggers my depression).
- Sad movies with sad endings or headlined by characters who are "mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood... mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated - look who's still around?" (thanks for the synopsis, Pink.).
- People who don't put up a good fight, letting this so-called fate belittle or mock their ability to decide.
- Borrowers who misplace your things as if they own them.
- Anything under the sun that makes my heart writhe in pain.
47. What makes me angry?
Sadness usually accompanies anger like an insecure twin sister. But to spare me from getting angry at the thought of what makes me angry, let's just say the things that make me sad are right about the same things that also make me angry. If I sum it all up, all forms of injustice make my blood simmer to 15 million Kelvin.
48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
Thankfully, I am. Despite my lack of physical endowments, I am not discontented with how I look. I'm just thankful I can eat, see, hear, feel, taste and smell in the first place. I'd rather have beautiful thoughts and deeds than have a beautiful appearance which we all know will inevitably wither with the wear and tear of time.
49. Am I healthy?
Mentally and emotionally, yes. Physically, God provides. And it's all for a good reason, I believe. (:
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
Just living everyday is tough. There were several occasions in the past where life gave me a few bad cards. I regarded them all equally. I could not tell which one was tougher than the other. Whether it was having a fallout with loved ones, depleting resources, getting the grade that was expected of me, attempting to surpass a set of standards that was in every respect abnormal, taking up law, going through "Et tu, Brute?" moments, finishing my thesis (ugh, Lord help me!) or restarting my career plans, every one of those experiences was like a KO from Muhammad Ali. I am ever so grateful though that like most humans who are overly conscious of their own existence, I was built just as conveniently.25 more questions to go and this introspection will reach its finale. By then, you'd have already read a rather disorganized biography. Haha. Until next time, self!
